August 2014 – MANNIECURES

The Kinsey Millhone 3

Kinsey Millhone is one of my favorite female characters. So much so that she has become somewhat of a role model for my everyday life. Not familiar with Kinsey? I recommend checking out one of her crazy adventures in one of Sue Grafton’s novels. They’re pretty easy to remember – “A is for Alibi,” “B is for Burglar,” and so on.

Here are a couple highlights on why she is so great.

She’s single and loving it. Not a lot of relationship drama here. Just a lot of short-lived story arcs and one night stands with men who turn out to be murderers.
She is a former cop turned private investigator and she lives in the 80s. Even though it’s 2014 and new books are still being written, Kinsey remains in the 80s where typewriters, card catalogues, pay phones, and live answering services are king. You can’t just Google things, folks. You have to investigate!
She ain’t scared of nothin’! Kinsey has been shot, beat to a pulp, and nearly burned alive. And I’m only on “J.”
She sleeps on the couch. Because who needs a bed?
She sleeps naked. Because who needs pajamas?

There are many more incredible traits that Kinsey Millhone possesses, but I must get to the point.

One thing that always remains the same in every book is Kinsey’s daily jog. 1.5 miles up the coast, and 1.5 miles back. Every day. Kinsey deals with thieves, murderers, and all-around scumbags all day long, and every so often, a girl needs to clear her head. She goes on her jogs no matter how tired she is, because she knows she needs it.

This brings me to me. I, like Kinsey, currently live on a waterfront. She got sandy beaches, and I get a river that smells like fish and has a lot of trash – but for the purpose of this experiment, it’s the same thing. I have charted out my 3 mile round trip. It’s quite convenient, actually, because I’m essentially going to Reagan Airport and back. It’s literally over the river and through the woods.

As the internet is my witness, my goal is to be jogging the Kinsey 3 every other day by the time I return to Denver. Why not every day? Because I’m not Kinsey Fucking Millhone and I haven’t had twenty years of practice.

Stay tuned. And go pick up a Kinsey Millhone mystery.

“The Snow Queen” by Michael Cunningham

Michael Cunningham and I have quite a long-standing relationship. In my angsty teenage years, I discovered The Hours and the rest is history. The Snow Queen is Cunningham’s latest. I actually heard about it before it came out and got that shit pre-ordered. I’m usually two years behind.

In typical Cunningham fashion, The Snow Queen is a portrait of family and relationships. This time, we’re with four New Yorkers who are well into adulthood. They struggle with illness, death, heartache, phenomenon, poverty, and a lot of cocaine.

I love the way Michael Cunningham creates his worlds. He’s not afraid to address the craziest, most unique relationships, but when I read his books, they never seem unbelievable. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and he has a great way of portraying that without getting too depressing that you don’t want to read it anymore. Even if I’m not really into the story, his language and composition of sentences is some of the most beautiful I’ve ever read.

Another thing The Snow Queen shows is Cunningham’s love affair with New York City. New York is his city. He knows it backwards and forwards and he uses it as a character in each story. They live in a particular neighborhood for a reason and experience specific things because of that. (Side Note: this is one of the reasons I love Nora Ephron’s script for You’ve Got Mail. It’s a love letter to NYC and it shows.)

I wouldn’t put The Snow Queen at the top of my list of favorite Cunninghams, but it didn’t disappoint. I look forward to the next and the next. Keep ‘em coming, buddy.

To get your own copy of one of Michael Cunningham’s lovely novels, click here.

How Do I Love Iggy Azalea? Let Me Count The Ways.

I’m literally just going to count the ways.

ONE: Iggy Azalea’s first two singles were number one and number two simultaneously. There has been one other artist to do that. The Fucking Beatles.

TWO: Iggy Azalea is 24 years old. She was born in 1990! She grew up in a town of about 2,000, in a house her dad built himself with mud bricks. At 16, she dropped out of school and cleaned hotel rooms until she earned enough money to go to Miami. She told her parents it was a vacation, then when she got there, told them she was staying to become a rapper. OG.

THREE: She’s an Australian, pale-skinned, FEMALE RAPPER. I absolutely love female rappers. Why? Because the point of being a rapper is to be a BAMF. A female BAMF is the dream.

FOUR: Did I mention she moved to Miami when she was SIXTEEN. She worked her ass off and got noticed. She started hanging out with T.I. They have like five songs together. If you don’t know how great T.I. is, please reference this link HERE.

FIVE: She opened for Beyoncé on the Asian and Australian legs of the Mrs. Carter tour. Beyoncé is powerful and she runs her empire. If an artist is opening for her, it’s because Beyoncé likes them.

SIX: Dat BOOTY. Seriously. Google that one yourselves.

SEVEN: Girl is from rural Australia and she loves American pop culture just as much as I do.

EIGHT: This Line – “Valley Girls givin’ blow jobs for Louboutins. Whatcha call dat? Head over heels?”

NINE: She has passed Lil’ Kim as the female rapper with the longest-leading number one single on the Billboard Hot 100. LIL’ KIM.

TEN: She’s dating SWAGGY P.

Get FitBit

My life is a constant battle with my body. I am not a naturally energetic person. In fact, if I could get paid to take naps, I would be a millionaire. My lack of energy, combined with my love of delicious food, combined with my genes, means I have to WERK to keep myself fit.

I have gone through various stages of weight loss and weight gain since I was a kindergartener. Most recently, I spent two years losing 50 pounds and getting myself fit. It was really hard, and it took a really long time. And all I did was track what I ate and got my ass moving.

Over the past year, shit got busy. We filmed a movie, edited a movie, participated in a wedding, went to Switzerland, sold our movie, moved out of our apartment, and made the trek out to Alexandria to live for three months. Oh and I had three different part-time jobs the whole time. Needless to say, I am no longer in shape.

I started getting knee pains. I was out of breath walking up my apartment stairs. My pants are really fucking tight. I worked really hard to to get to where I was, and I refuse to let it all go.

Which brings us to today. I have invested in a FitBit Flex. I wear it on my wrist 24/7 and it tracks my activity all day long. If you haven’t heard of FitBit, I suggest you click here and check it out. I’ve been wearing it for two days and I’m obsessed. I’m already going out of my way to log more steps. I’m taking the stairs instead of the elevator, walking Jimmy to work every morning, and making a point to go on a long walk every day.

The FitBit device combines with the food log. I need food logs. I have no control over food. It’s delicious and I love it. But when it’s a game that I want to win, then I can control it.

So that’s that. I’ll be posting various updates on how things are going. Hopefully in three weeks I won’t be posting a picture of myself with an empty carton of Chunky Monkey in my bed.

Below is Day One. I pretty much nailed it.

I love my skinny bitches. But I also love this song.

Lauren Bacall (1924-2014)

Say hi to Bogey for us…

Genie, you’re free.

Without exaggeration, Robin Williams was an integral part of my childhood. He was there for the whole thing. He was Genie. He was Jack. He was Mrs. Doubtfire. He was Peter Pan. I will remember Robin Williams for all his roles, but these are the ones I cherish the most. I could write an essay on why, but I’ll let other, more eloquent, people do that for me.

My childhood years were better because of Robin Williams, and I can’t wait to make him part of my kids’ lives as well. Depression hurts every day for those who spend their lives fighting it. I am sad for his kids and those close to him. I am happy to have been witness to his genius for my 27 years of life. I am thankful for that laugh and all the laughs it caused.

Goodnight, Mrs. Doubtfire. Thanks for the memories.

“But if there’s love, dear… those are the ties that bind, and you’ll have a family in your heart, forever. All my love to you, poppet, you’re going to be all right… bye-bye.”

– Mrs. Doubtfire

Don’t Call It a Comeback

I bet I could count the number of times I sat down to do my nails this past year on two hands. Last May, I took at job at The Loft. I quite liked it, actually, and stayed there for a year. My nails are fairly weak. As soon as they begin growing past the nail bed, they break somehow. Combine that with working 20-30 hours a week hanging, folding, cleaning, and ripping open hundreds of plastic bags, and you get the worst nails ever. Thus, I took a hiatus from the nail world. As expected, I’ve lost some of my skills. I’ve also lost all my nail stuff. Well, not lost. I know that they are in a storage unit in Denver in a box marked “Annie’s Nail Stuff.” So I am starting from scratch. I have a few different polishes and some silly nail art decorations. It’ll be a true test of creativity. Here is nail post #1. I picked up Sally Hansen Hard As Nails for my base. I’m really sad about losing my OPI Nail Envy, but I’m willing to give this a try. I’m using Sally Hansen Insta-Dri for my tops. I like this one. It applies well and it’s shiny! While perusing CVS, I found these little two-siders from Revlon. They were “buy one, get one 50% off,” so I went for it. I got this one and a purple/gold combo I’m excited to try out. The green side has a normal brush and the yellow side has a thin nail art brush. Here’s how it went: One small complaint is that the brushes are kinda cheap. I got some pieces stuck in there when I was painting them. This is two coats of the green (which looks great on it’s own) and many coats of yellow. My only other complaint is that I wish I could’ve reversed the colors. I like my top color to be more saturated and solid so you don’t have to retrace your lines a million times. They’re not great, but they’re not bad for being out of practice.