Books – MANNIECURES

“Career of Evil” by Robert Galbraith

CareerofEvil

I’m so hooked on this series. It’s killing me with the cliffhangers, and the creepy creepers, and the terrible fiancé! I love it. This one was a bit dark in the best way and I was legit creeped out. I really hate being scared by movies, but there’s something I love about being scared by books. Flashback to when I was a wee 9 year old, reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I was alone in my room and I reached the part where Tom Riddle rearranged the letters of his name to be Lord Voldemort. I was so scared, I had to stop reading and join the rest of my family in the living room. Shocker that, as a 28 year old, I was thoroughly creeped out, alone in my room, reading a book by the same damn author. JK – 2, Annie – 0.

“Rebels: City of Indra” by Kendall & Kylie Jenner

Rebels

Of course I read this book! I had no idea what it would be like, but I gotta tell ya, I was super entertained the whole time. The book is a collaboration between K&K, their manager Liz, and Maya Sloan. It seems odd to me that Sloan is considered a ghost writer when her name is on the first page. Not totally ghosty. But that’s why I love these girls. The first thing they said was “Of course we hired a writer. We can’t write an entire novel on our own.” Because as Kim says, “do what you want, but own up to it.” I love that they did press with their writer, thanked her endlessly, and never denied her existence. But that’s how the K/Js roll.

I think this collaboration worked wonders. If you are fans of these girls, the connection to the characters is immediate and it really is written quite well. The world building is phenomenal – plenty of gnarly post-apocolyptic visuals. And I’ll say that the plot lines were never too eye rolly. We’re not winning pulitzer prizes here people, but we’re keeping the kids reading! It’s unfortunate that the trolls immediately pushed this thing aside because I think they accomplished a pretty big feat. YA novels can get bad, especially when written by disconnected adults, and not every kid is into the classics like this nerd. This book is more about adventure and coming into your own, and less about the pressure of sex and boys who don’t text you back. So suck it, internet. I liked it.

“Joyland” by Stephen King

Joyland

Confession: this is the first Stephen King book I’ve ever read. Whatever, I read a lot of books. I don’t feel bad. Anyway, this was a bargain buy. I like to hit up my neighborhood Barnes & Noble every so often to see how sad it is, for one, and to pick up any clearance deals. I judge these books by their covers as they’re often haphazardly stacked on a cart. Obviously this cover was amazing.

Color me really fucking excited when this book turned out to be an emotional rollercoaster of awesomeness. I liked it so much, I immediately mailed it to my mom for her to read. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before.

I don’t like to blab on too much in my posts because who wants me to ruin the experience? I will say that this book will make most grown people cry. There is a sense of magic in this book that I haven’t experienced in while. You have an incredibly vivid world full of unique characters, and on top of that, a murder mystery!

“House of Mirth” by Edith Wharton

I read the first seventy pages of this book the first time I picked it up. It had been sitting on my shelf, looking all fancy, and I finally gave it a turn. Loved it. I was engulfed in the world and caught up in all the drama the whole way through.

I expected controversy when I began this book, but I didn’t quite expect darkness. This isn’t Pride & Prejudice where Elizabeth gets Mr. Darcy in the end. Instead, nobody will marry our heroine, dooming her to a miserable life. But oh the drama! It’s a turn of the century Real Housewives. So many fabulous characters with tragic flaws doing expensive things. Don’t be intimidated by the darkness. This was well worth the read. I’m excited to read the other two novels that come in this adorable set.

“Dollhouse” by Kourtney, Kim, and Khloé Kardashian

I have a lot of love for these ladies. They don’t give two fucks. Actually, they don’t give any fucks. I respect that. I also happen to think they’re hilarious and entertaining as hell. Do I think they’re good at writing novels? Not really. To be fair, they didn’t write this shit.

I’ll say this – have you ever seen an episode of Passions? It was a Soap Opera in the early 2000s that had a fantastical vibe – there were witches and magic and shit. Anyway, I would equate this book to that show. It’s a quick read, it’s pretty funny for the most part (as you can see by the quote I chose) and you don’t really have to be paying attention while you read to put it all together in the end.

And I had to know. I had to.

“‘J’ is for Judgement” by Sue Grafton

Another one down. This one was kinda depressing as far as main storyline went, but it was great everywhere else. Kinsey finds out she has family nearby – bummer. Rosie and Henry’s brother are getting married – gasp! But no collateral damage done on this one. No bullet wounds or concussions suffered. Just blows to the heart.

How could I not write that? It was staring me in the face! Anyway, K is for Killer.

“The Silkworm” by Robert Galbraith

Oh this was a fun one. And quite graphic, I might add! Props to RG/JK on that one. I loved that she set this in the winter time. It felt like a third character that just kept showing up to make everyone feel uncomfortable all the time. Once again, I had no freaking clue who did it until the end. That’s how I roll, though. I know the next installment is currently being written, and I am pretty stoked. This series has established itself as incredibly legit. I love the continuing dynamic between Robin and Strike. I love/hate the dumbass fiancé. I love Strike. They are such entertaining reads that I can see myself reading over again. I’m on a pretty solid murder mystery roll right now.

“Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?” by Mindy Kaling

This was a fun read. There was a lot of great shit in here. I particularly enjoyed the bit about playing frisbee. I’ll make you read the book to find out what I mean. It’s never a good idea to retell a joke. This is a great book to keep around because it’s essay style. You can pick it up and put it down freely without feeling like you’re ignoring it. I do think Mindy Kaling is super talented, and a refreshing personality to have in pop culture right now. She proves you can be smart, witty, super successful, and yet still prefer to read Shopaholic books on a Saturday afternoon to relax instead of playing frisbee with a group of people in the park.

I was given this book as a gift – great gift idea, btw. Not too dirty or R-Rated, but something that would appeal to a lot of people. Here, I’ll spare you the search time – http://amzn.to/1FzWrHR

I Love All 50 Shades

I hope I am in the last car on this 50 Shades of Grey train. Why? Because you’re killing me. You’re all killing me. I literally can’t EVEN. Which brings me to my first point – before I go any further, let’s all calm down. Like ten notches down. I’ve found I articulate my thoughts best through lists. In this particular case, I will pose a list of questions. If at the end of the list of questions, you still believe 50 Shades of Grey is the worst thing to happen to mankind since Mein Kampf, then I just don’t know what to do with you.

Do you love drama? Because I LOVE drama. I was binge-watching 90210 reruns at age 10. Do you know what 50 Shades of Grey is? It’s like the BEST season arch of 90210 ever. There’s LUST, LOVE, SEX (we’ll get to that later), DANGER, FIGHTS, KIDNAPPING, FIRES, GUNS, WEDDINGS, YACHTS! None of these things sound fun to you!? Then why would you expect to like this book?
Were you upset at how poorly written it was? Did you think you were reading award-winning literature? No matter how many people read it, or how much money it makes, this is still a romance novel. A novel meant to entertain women and cater to their naughty side. In fact, I should be writing a blog about some of my favorite ridiculous lines and/or plot twists. You’ve gotta approach books as you do movies. You don’t watch Face/Off to be inspired intellectually, you watch it because it’s ENTERTAINING and John Travolta has those crazy eyes! 50 Shades of Grey started out as a Twilight Fan Fiction novel. Are you aware of what Fan Fiction is? It ain’t fucking Chaucer.
Are you a romantic? Have you gotten butterflies from holding someone’s hand or felt a heat rush just from close proximity? Oh you’re a boy? Then why would you think this book should interest you? Oh you just don’t think it’s romantic? If the following have been removed from the list of romantic gestures, please let me know: lavishing one with gifts, constantly telling one they’re beautiful, night time helicopter rides, proposing while surrounded by candles and flowers, fairytale wedding…Oh it’s because of the abuse? Right, that brings me to my next question –
Does sex make you uncomfortable? Then why would you think you would enjoy this book? There is a lot of kinky shit in this book – though not as kinky as it gets, ironically. Here’s the thing though, a lot of people like kinky shit. Hell, Beyonce writes hit songs about wanting Jay Z to smack her ass and call her Peaches when they get nasty. This is not a weird thing, and just because it’s not your thing, doesn’t make it less intimate or romantic. Oh but still the thing about how it’s abusive? About that –
Have you read the damn book? All three? Because I have. Twice. I do not claim to know anything about the world of BDSM, nor do I care. Do you know why? Because this is a fucking BOOK. A piece of FICTION – a grocery store romance novel, for that matter. People are FURIOUS, saying it’s a terrible influence and promotes violence in a relationship? Really? I made a movie about an actress who literally eats her own flesh and muscle. So am I a spokeswoman for cannibalism? No. I made a movie about a character who doesn’t exist and I used artistic tools to tell a story and convey certain feelings. Here is what this series of books is about: Boy meets girl. Love at first sight. Girl is young and a virgin, but smart and saucy. Boy is a beautiful hot mess – abused child, can’t love, feels worthless, loves BDSM (but why!?). Girl is introduced to boy’s dirty world and – GASP- she likes it. She REALLY likes it. Boy has issues, takes out his anger sexually. There are two – count ‘em, TWO – instances where he goes too far and girl has to use the safe-word (followed by boy panicking and crying with guilt). But boy and girl love each other ardently. All kinds of shit happens, rich kids do fun things, therapists make revelations, drama drama call your mama, couple of babies – BANG. We’re out. Doesn’t that sound like fun!?

If you haven’t read the book, the WHOLE thing, then you’re just assuming. You’re shitting on people who shouldn’t feel any bit of shame for enjoying a silly book (or movie). You’re making something out of nothing, and quite frankly, killing all the fun. If you’re not into this series, but are finding the time to bitch about it, try spending more time finding something YOU think is fun. Join the rest of us.

“The Flick” by the other Annie Baker

Usually when your parents hack your social media accounts and read all your posts, it turns into a nightmare. In my case, it turns into unexpected presents. Example: I tweet about my favorite type of Ritz cracker, and my mom sends me six boxes of Ritz crackers for my birthday.

Now, for those who are not aware, I have a name twin. She is a Pulitzer Prize winning playwright named Annie Baker, as a matter of fact. Recently our paths have crossed. Well not really. Basically, a film festival used her picture on my badge (the picture above, actually) and a Dallas Newspaper mentioned me in a tweet thinking my twitter handle was hers. Point of the story – I tweeted a photo of an article about the opening of her most recent Pulitzer Prize winning play, “The Flick,” and made a dumb joke. A few days later, an Amazon delivery shows up at my house. My mom sent me a copy of “The Flick.” Boom! Social media delivers.

So here we are, and I have read “The Flick.” I have to preface this one. I read a lot of fucking plays in college. But that was a long time ago now, and I’m not used to reading them. I forget that they are way better when performed, and it’s often difficult to see the full effect when reading the script. That being said, I had a bit of an issue with some of the dialogue. It didn’t feel natural a lot of the time and the film snob kid was pretty insufferable with his rants on “cinema.” I hate the word “cinema.” The reason for my preface is that there were quite a few legit moments throughout the play that made me think the dialogue could be fixed with a good performance.

I can’t say I loved it, but I am glad I read it. It makes me curious to read one that is not centered around cinephiles. But this is not a sign for my mom to send me more books. Stop buying me things! But this was nice though.